What's going on with me
Mood:  down
Now Playing: something in you're mouth by nickelback
Oh my god, Right now my back is hurting and it borthering me and i hate that feeling. I really wish that the pain would really go away and never come back but i know that never going to happen because i really hope they fucking really fix my back because it's totally not worth having the pain and everything. Things are totally mess up and i am upset and i just don't know why because i guess i could say that i am going to so what i feel is right about my family and the members that are in it because i am sure you know what i am talking about. I know that i am feeling depressed and stress and i hate the feeling trust me. I really wish people would not go if it's not there time in life because that totally scared me because i am so scared that i am going to lose the people that are close to me and it's not something i want to feel right now if you ask me and everything. I have already cried today because that is the only way i know how to deal with my emotions and everything.

Actually, I think that things are going to be alright in my family because i have faith in god and everything. To help me deal with the pain i am feeling as i am feeling it right now and everything. I just really miss a lot of people in my life and they have gone and went out of my life and that just totally wrong if you ask me. I just wish that i did not feel like i am losing everyone around me but the more i think about it i just don't know how to feel anymore and it's not health for me anymore if you know what i mean. I know that i am going to be alright i have to have faith in my self and i feel like i don't sometimes because of all the stress that i am feeling it's kind of crazy if you are living my life and in hell at the same time and everything. So i just don't know what to do anymore and it's kind of crazy but i am crying out for help and none of my friends understand where i am coming from and it's crazy if you ask me again and stuff. I just don't know what to feel and it's hurts so much that things are totally not worth it anymore and i have to understand that.

I'm so depressed it's not even funny anymore. I really don't think that i can handle this keep depression anymore and i can handle the up and down emotions but how can my friends and family handle my emotions because i am having my own problems and it's not even my fault this time and everything. I just wish my family understood me because then i would not be feeling the way i am and i just don't understand all the stuff and shit that is going on because of all the different things in life and everything. I just don't want to make a big deal out of this because that would totally fucking suck if you ask me and everything. I just don't know what to do anymore and it's not something i want to face in the long run but i think that i am and everything. I am totally lost for my own words but i am totally scared as we speak about things that happen in my life and i just wish that it would not if you know what i am talking about.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: lights on by david cook
Wow, I can't fucking believe how some fucking people act in this fucking world at all. Last night i was so fucking pissed off that it was not a joke at all because people are so fucking rude if you ask me. The thing is my best friend was the one that got fucked with and that not cool if you ask me again. I just wish that there are something i could do for her but i think i should keep my mouth shut and things like that because i just don't want to cause trouble of my own that i can't talk my way out if you know what i am talking about and everything. I'm still fucking pissed off but if then fucking mess with her again i am going to have to fucking say something because i am never going to fucking understand why people do the things they fucking do but it's going to stop  with my best friend and shit. I mean the girl cross the line by saying something  about my friend  son and that just totally wrong.

I mean it totally fucking aggravates me so fucking much that people don't have anything else to do in there life but fucking judge people because of the way they fucking live there own life and shit. I mean i get judged all the fucking time because of my weight issues that i have and i just wish people can look at me as a person and not a fat bitch and everything because that hurts a lot. I just don't know what people are thinking but i do know that it's kind of crazy at times and everything. I really hate people that accuse people of doing things that they don't do that other fucking thing that screw up. That also totally get on my nerves somethings as well. I have lost a lot in my times but i don't want to see my best friend go through that as well because that just other thing that makes me angry at times if you know what i am talking about and everything. I really hope that Amanda knows that i do have her back and i know that she won't fucking back stab me in the back. I think that life is going to fucking show you what you are messing at times because the more i think about it the less i just don't care about life and it's things that it has for me if you know what i mean.

Currently, Think they just don't know who the fuck they are messing with because it totally get pissed off that people can act the why they do and everything. I just don't understand people and there fucking actions and it's going to cost them something one day and everything. I'm not going to fucking waste my fucking time on people that fucking dumb if you ask they need to fucking get a clue and  stop and see and look around and she the people that they are hurting if you ask me i am not the one that acts like that but when people pissed me off that a different story if you know what i am talking about and everything. So i am hopping that things are going to be okay because that how i feel in my heart and soul and everything and i am just praying and stuff.

What really annoyed me is the fact that i just can't stand how fucking people act when they just don't care about the other person that they are hurting and everything if you ask me i totally have lost a lot of things in life but the one thing i do know is that faith is the one helping me deal with a lot of things because that how i see things in life and everything. So i am never going to understand that if you ask me life is short and you have to pray for what you want in life and if you don't have the money to fucking get it then i guess you are fucking totally screw if you know what i mean. So that is  what i am feeling right now in my heart and soul and everything if you ask me. I just want to move on with my life and knowing that i have a great head on my shoulders and i know what i want things are going to totally be different in life because that how i see things in my life.

Today, Is my one year an two month anniversary to my lovely boyfriend i miss him like crazy if you ask me i am just sitting here thinking about him and everything. Wow i can't believe that i've had a boyfriend for this long and i am totally happy about it i guess i am not sure how to handle it but i am working on it trust me i guess i am scared about a lot of changes that are coming on my body and i just wish that things could be more better then they are if you ask me i am not help less but i can do things for myself if you ask me i am who i am again and that is all i need to know about my life. I'm afraid that things are not going to be the way they are and the same but i think that i can handle anything that through at me  because the more i fucking think about my problems the less i am not so fucking scared anymore and that is totally good thing in my book.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to end this here for today, And i'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

Always
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Make up you're mind by theory of a deadmand

The love  in you're heart

The pain in you're eyes

To the depths of you soul

To the success that you strive

 

The tears that you shed 

The dreams that you make 

The walls that you climb 

And the promises you break 

 

The people you love

The people you hate 

People you meet 

And the friends that you make 

 

Hours of waiting 

Time that's been lost 

Seconds are passing 

And you're heart pays the cost 

 

You're soul is beautiful 

You're mind is great 

The places you go

The heart  that you take 

 

When you feel all is lost 

When you're heart brakes again 

And you must reconsider 

The feelings within 

 

Allways know 

Never forget

The time we shared 

Our very first kiss

 

I'll always love you 

No matter what may come 

I'll always love you 

For all that you have done 

What's going on with me
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Alone by Heart
Well, I'm just hanging out in my room thinking about putting on some clothes and taking new pictures of me with my hair down and everything and i also have to put on my make up if you know what i mean. I'm having a great night just hanging out with my friends and everything that totally awesome if you ask me and i just don't have to hear anyone bitch at me for things that goes wrong in my life and that not how i want to handle things in my life as you can see and everything. I just could not be any more happier then i am right now in my life because i finally figured out things and i am totally not wasting my time trying to understand how fuck up things got at one point in my life and everything.

Right now, Things are right were i want them because i am finally going to do something about my life and not let people judge me and think that it's for my own good because it's not and everything. I'm not going to let someone ruin my fucking happiness that just fucking wrong if you ask me. I have ever right to have a life as my own and not have to fucking worry about the things that are going on in life. I just know that things are totally worth my time if i knew what is really going on at the time it's happening if you know what i am talking about and everything. I just wish that things cold be right where i need them to be because then it's not a waste of my fucking time and can just move on and know that things are going to be alright in my life time and everything and that fuck up if you ask me again in a few days then i might have a different answer for you i guess i am not sure anymore.

I just want to have a normal life that not going to hurt me or judge me in the long run. I'm just trying to forget all the bad things that happen to me in the past and move on from it i don't fucking thank that a fucking crime if you ask me and everything. I'm who i am and that is something that people need to fucking understand and forget that i have a fucking mind of my own and i know how to fucking speak my own mind when needed and everything. I think all my ex boyfriends hate me for that because the more i think about it the less i don't fucking care comes to my own mind and it's alright by me to fucking have my own say in life and everything that my fucking down fault if you ask me. I just know what i really want in life that not going to stop me for getting that trust me on that. I just wish that people could understand that and not hurt me because of it and it's crazy to think that i don't know what to do anymore and i am lost for my own words in time but who fucking cares on how i fucking feel because they just want to jump on my heart and soul and hurt me again and again.

Wow, I can't believe that Friday is tomorrow and the weekend is here and i am going to party it up like there is not tomorrow because i need to fucking have fun with my friends from work and everything. I'm not going to lose anything because the most important thing in my life is god and how he treats me is the best thing in life because the more i think of him the less he lets me down and that is the best fucking feeling i could not explain it anymore then i can write it i guess. I am who god as made me and the fact is that things are going to change with me and i am going to have the faith i need that is if i get it from my family and everything and that is all i need is my family support in my life. I'm not sure on what i am going to do in life because the more i sit and fucking stress over it it's going to kill me or make me go to hell i guess i am not sure anymore and i can't fucking stand it.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: it must have been love by roxette
Oh my god, I have been having a blast over the last few days that i have and everything. I've been hanging out on Fubar and i have met some great friends and everything and i am going to talk to them tonight but i can't stay up really late because i have to go to the gym tomorrow and everything. I'm so great full to call them as my friends because they are the best and i am happy to know them as well if you know what i mean. I'm just hanging out on the computer for a few hours because i am totally bored and i am just wasting time i guess if you want to call it that and everything. I'm thinking about playing a few hands of cards because that is how fucking bored i am and everything if you ask me and everything. So i am just hoping for the best as you know what i am talking about  and everything but that just my life as i am talking about.

Right now, Things are totally worth it because i am just hanging out in my own room on my own computer and i'm just living it up and just hanging out is the best feeling in the world it helps me clam down for the night and everything and hang out with my friends on my favorite set to hang out and everything. Well i know that things are totally going wrong but mostly i have to keep my head up and pray for things to happen good in my life because that how i am going to learn about myself. But i just don't think about all the things that goes wrong in my life because it's a waste of time if you ask me and everything. I just making new friends where ever i go and i am happy to say that i am finally happy and that is all that really matter and god has help me speak my mind and make the new friends and everything if you wanted to know me and everything. I just hope that things are going to work out for me because that how i feel about things.

Well, I have so much going on in my life that i just want to forget about all the crazy things in life and that is one thing i don't want to lose is my own life and how i have make it great one and things are totally going to be alright just have to have you're own faith in things and i just know that god going to help me and i am not going to forget all the things that happen in my life and everything. I just can't help but think about all the things that are going on in the back of my mind and it's crazy to think that i might have things finally figured out but i guess that not going to be easy for me but it's all right because  my life is my own and that is what i make of it and it's not going to forget it and everything if you know what i mean. I just can't wait for all the changes that are coming in my life but i am happy for once in my life and i can't deny it because then i would be lieing and i can't handle that if you know what i am talking about and everything. I just want things to go back to the normal things in life and i am just thinking that things are okay.

So, Things are going to be totally okay i have my own faith in myself and i can't wait to fucking do something about my life because the more i think about it the more i think that i am going to be the best at things and i am just hoping that things are going to be alright because i am who i am and everything. I'm just chillin and that is the best feeling in life because i know what i want in life and that crazy but anyway. So anyway i'm thinking that i am going to end this now because i am not sure on what else i should write because i am bored out of my mind and i am going to watch my tv i guess i am not sure what i am going to do now because i think i'll be in bed ealier tonight i thinking i am not sure through. i just thinking about all the good things that i have done in my life but i am crazy at times and that is just how my life is and everything. I just want things to be alright and i just have to go on with all the bitch ness and just about what best for me because that makes me a better person if you know what i mean.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

My Best Friend
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: darkness by disurbed

Our friendship is an ocean, Stretching

Far and wide 

Never ending 

Filled with memories 

That  last a life time 

 

You've always known

Just what to say 

 

You were always there,

When i needed you the most 

 

When i needed

A shoulder to cry on 

You're was always waiting 

 

When i needed

Someone to talk to 

You were there 

Just listening 

 

When i needed 

Someone to hug 

You're arms were 

Doors wide open to me 

 

Our friendship's 

Just like the 

Stars 

Both so beyond

Man's reach

 

All of the giggles we shared 

 

Let the salty taste of tears

Run down our cheeks

 

All the laughs,

The smiles,

The hug,

The inside jokes,

The hour online,

And 

The eighty minute phone calls 

 

Just because 

 

You were family that 

God forgot to give me 

You don't see me
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Roll on by kid rock

I see you staring at me,

But you never truly see,

 

Why i love you, oh, so much,

When you're so out of touch,

 

Feelings that we could have shared,

You flung behind without a care,

 

It seems so hard to let you  go,

And the process is so slow,

 

I don't know whether i should stay,

And waste another day away,

 

I do know, though, that all this pain,

Will soon drive me insane,

 

You don't feel me loving you,

And you just can't seem to get a clue

 

You don't see me cry inside,

And in you i know i can't confied

 

Yet still i find that you are blind,

To things meant to be kind

 

You know nothing of me fears,

And are unaware of all my tears,

 

I know i really can't deny,

Things i feel as i look you in the eye

 

So who will help me make it though?

Who will tell me what to do?

 

How come every time  i see you're face,

For me there's never any space?

Maybe someday you'll see me differently,

So until then, I'll be waiting silently

Love
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: changes by three doors down

I thought you felt the same way

When we held each other i prayed you 

Would stay 

 

I love the way you looked at me 

I guess it just wasn't meant to be 

 

I thought you loved me underirably 

Didn't  you know you were my everything 

 

You  were all i thought about 

In my mind there was no doubt 

 

Now i see you're not in love 

It wasn't something from above 

 

You're with her now and you're happy 

I'm the one who's mopey and sappy 

 

That's ok through because if i had to pick 

The one to suffer 

i'm glad it was me, i love you more then ever 

 

My love for you will never go away 

But to tell you that i would never say 

 

It's so hard to let you go 

But it's now time to move on slow 

 

So this is my goodbye 

My darling, my love, my only one 

 

Flore this is the last time i will cry 

I tried to tell you
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: So hot by kid rock

I tried to tell you i love u

But the words were hard to find 

 

I'm always thinking about you 

You're the one on my mind 

 

Oh why do i act so shy forever hiding my face 

I should learn to laugh and not cry put myself in my place 

 

There were times i tried to kiss you but 

Something told me no 

You wanted me to hold you but i 

 

Kept letting you go 

I'm afraid that I'm not the girl 

 

You've searched for all these years 

I will kindly leave now don't you cry 

 

Try to hold back you're tears 

It's been so long i haven't seen you 

 

For quite awhile 

When i think of how we met it only 

 

Brings back you're smile 

I remember when i held you then and 

 

Told you we'd never part 

I love you then i love you now and 

I'll hold you in my heart 

 

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: all summer long by kid rock

Wow, Today has been totally a long day and i am not sure how i am going to make it through all the fucking changes in life that going on. I just wish that i could find it in my heart and soul that things are going to be alright but i guess god has a better play for me as i am talking to anything. I hate not knowing what he has plan for me and when me and him talk in my dreams he tells me not to worry because he has my faith and soul in his hands and he is going to lead me in the right place of my mind and everything.

Right now, Things are right were i want them to be and i just don't have to worry anymore and that great knowing that i have my whole life in god hands and he also has my soul and helping me deal with my life and how to make things better because that is what i really need in life. I really thought life was confussing but i guess i was totally wrong on that.I just want things to go back to normal that way i just don't have to worry about all the trouble things that i am going through in my life and it's kind of crazy because you just don't know when things are going to be alright or not. I just want my back to feel better and my leg as well but i know that not going to happen anytime soon so i have to pray for anything that comes myway.

Actually, I'm tired of having all this problems and confusion in my life because it makes me sad and then i start to cry because there nothing i can do to make things better for me and everything. I just don't know how to feel anymore i am so tried of feeling so depressed all the time and it's not my fault if you know what i am talking about. I just don't know how to handle it anymore because the more i try to figured it out the less i can't understand my own problems and everything. I'm just thinking that things are totally going to be worth waiting for because of the things that i am thinking about all the fucking time and it's crazy at times you know. I'm just trying to be happy for a change and it's hard to do when you got people putting in you're life all the fucking time and everything if you know what i mean.

Well, My life is so confussing at times and i just don't know what things are going to be totally wrong for me at times and everything. I just want things to go back to normal again because the wrong thing to say about my life is it's all fucking screw up if you ask me and everything. I'm not trying to go on with nothing that i can't handle but right now it's kind of weird at times because i am not sure how to handle things and i am totally loseing my own mind because that just my crazy life and everything. I just want to move on and never forget the things that really happen in the back of my mind. Well i guess that just how things go in my life i guess i am not sure anymore i'm just thinking that i need to go on with my life ad forget all the things.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going in my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.