What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: come down by bush
Well, Yesterday I met up with my mom and dad and a few for my friends from work at the bar yeeha's and it was totally fucking awesome and i hate a blast with my friends and everything. I'm just thinking about all the crazy stuff that happen lastnight but i am happy to say that i am not going to ever forget hanging out with my ex boyfriend sean because now i can finally find out what is going on and work on my friend ship with him and everything. So we did do some talking about things and he told me how much he missed the friendship that we had and everything. I just hope that he knows that things are going to be alright because i am just thinking that things were good.

Right now, I'm just hanging out in my bed room watching a good movie on life time and it's great. I'm thinking about going to bed early tonight because i have a few things i need to do tomorrow i just don't want to be on the phone all night with a boyfriend who don't respect me and everything. I think the relationship that i do have is must based on nothing but sex and that just wrong if you ask me and i am just pissed about that. I am really liking this movie that i am watching because it makes me feel good inside and everything. I know who i am and that is all i can say about things because the more i sit here and think about things the more i just don't give a fuck about and everything.

So, Right now i feel like it's really hot in my room and everything. So right now i am just thinking about all the crazy thoughts in my head and it's not right for me to think about it but i have to get a clear head on things. Wow i really thought that i had a good ideal about things but i really don't if you ask me i am a crazy person to go back in my past and find what i am really looking for in my life and everything. I finally don't have a reason about things because the more i think about it the less i can understand things if you know what i mean. I just want things to be back to normal but i really don't think that going to happen any time soon if you know what i mean.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Second chance by shine down
I went to the doctor today and everything is alright and my blood pressure was  high so we took me off one of my pills and hopefully we can get that under control and everything if you know what i am talking about. They only took blood from me today and that was great if you ask me and everything. But i am feeling really good and i am going to clean the house more and stuff like that because i am going nuts. I don't feel like going to work today but i am hopefully that i get off early tonight.

Well, Right now I'm just hanging out in my room thinking about doing more cleaning and shit because my room looks like a fucking mess if you ask me. And i am the only one that needs to clean it if you know what i mean. I really wish that i had a fucking maid to clean my room that would be totally fucking awesome if  you ask me and everything. I am lost with out everything going on. But i am going to be alright if you ask me i am crazy to think that things wont work for me but i guess i am looking in the wrong places i guess i don't know.

So, Last night was totally awesome because i got to talk to one of my ex boyfriends and we are working on things because that how i like it. He even brought me lunch and bring it up to me and how fucking sweet is that i told him thank you and everything and hopefully this weekend we can meet up and talk about things because that would be totally worth it and everything. I really hate when someone is mad at you and you just don't know what is all going on and like i said before we were great friends and very close at that.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Second chance by shine down
Well, Today has been a totally nice day outside and i can't wait to get out and go for walks and stuff like that if you know what i am talking about. I am just thinking that things are going to look up for me i have total faith in everything that goes on in this world i just believe in god and the things that he does and work for. I'm just thinking about how god really works but he answered some of my prayers for my friends and family and everything if you ask me i am good about praying.

Tomorrow, It is going to fucking suck if you ask me. I really don't want to go to the doctors but i have to and everything. It's just because i am diabetic and they have to check my blood sugar and everything and that alright by me. I just don't like the other things i have to do but that alright i'm going to get use to that if you know what i am talking about and everything. I just hate going in there when they fucking dick you around and tell you one thing and do the other thing if you know what i mean and everything. I'm just trying to get over that you know.

I really miss my best friends Amanda peck, Sam, Amanda Dewitt. They have been there for me through a lot of my problems with my boyfriends and i just wanted to say thank you and hopefully they won't judge me because of the problems that i do have and everything. I just want them to know that i am thinking about them and they are in my heart and soul and we are all going to be best friends trust me and i am going to hang out with  Amanda Dewitt soon because i miss her like crazy and i talk to her like every night if i can.

Actually, I'm just hoping that i can go to bed at a good hour tonight because i have to be up early in the morning and i just don't want to be late for  the doctors if you know what i am talking about and everything. I really hate that but anyway what can you do when you are running late and you just don't know what you are going to do that how my life is if you ask me it's crazy but i know the feeling. I'm going to forget all the bad things and just look upon things and just hope that things are going to be for me that how i see things in life and everything.

Right now, I just don't want to lose what i am feeling and thinking about my relationship that i am in now and everything. I just want things back to the way i knew they could be and it's hard to keep thinking this way but i don't  get respected like i should and he calls me all hours of the night and it's crazy to think that i am going to lose my own mind as this point in time. I love him to death but i need my space and my time and that is  all i am going to say.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: come down by bush
Right now, I'm just hanging out in my room because i am bored out of my mind but i have some things i need to get done before i can go to bed and everything. I just don't know what going on in my life and everything. I just want things to be alright but i am not that sure anymore if you ask me. I have lost so much in my life and it's crazy to think that things never never seem to be alright anymore. Because i am always worrying about my friends and family and i am never going to have just time to myself to just fuck off and stuff like that if you ask me.

Well, Today has been a great day because i am finally done with my laundry and i am so fucking happy about that if you ask me. I have shit loads of dishes to do and it's not right but my dad told me that he was going to help me but that alright i am going to do them before i got to bed again like i did last night. I am tired and i just want to lay in my bed and go to bed at a good hour but i know that i am not going to have that chance right now if you ask me and everything.  I just don't want to think about what is really going on in my fuck up head.

Actually, I'm thinking about taking a nice hot shower and i am going to bed early tonight because i have to be up in the morning to go to work and do somethings on the computer because they ask me to and everything. I'm just hoping that i don't have to stand on my feet anymore that fucking hurts if you ask me. But i am just thinking about all the crazy thoughts that i have going on in my head but it's alright because i am not worried about it right now and everything.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.     

What's going on with me
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: come down by bush
Wow, I can't believe that i am still up and not even tried that should be something if you ask me and everything. I'm just hanging out and i thought i would come and updated my blogs and stuff because that gives me less to do tomorrow i guess you could say and everything and i am trying to be happy for once in my life. So I feel a lot better because i know that my best friend is going to be alright. I just have to have faith and i know that she is going to make it through anything i promise that. Every since she told me on the phone i have been scared to talk about it with all my other friend and i just don't know how to deal with it like i should and everything.

Well, Right now bed is looking good right now because i am trying to stay awake as long as i can but i am sure that is not going to work in my faver if you ask me. So i am just doing my normal thinking and i just wish that i could feel things but i know it's hard when you are trying to block things out of you're mind and everything. I'm really trying to block all the things that happen in my past out of my head so they won't haunt me anymore because that is how i feel about that and everything. I really miss one of my ex boyfriends because he was a very sweet heart and we use to be really good friends and everything and i am not sure if we are going to get that back working on it.

I just don't want to lose what i have in my life because that the thing i am so scared about losing what i have like my friends and family and everything. I have to go on with my life knowing that things are going to be alright in my life. I just feel lost in this big ass world and its crazy but that the true. I've never knew that i could have all this problems in my life and think that i could figured them all out but that not lie it's really hard if you ask me and everything. I am losing so much but i think because i want to have new start in life and that is what i am doing as i speak.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to go for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

what's going on with me
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Lithium by evanescence

Well, My dad is home and now my paces  and quit is now done and i not happy about it and everything. I am just thinking about my two best friends and how they are doing and everything. I just want to go and spend time with them because i feel they really need me and i am not going to lose the one that i talk about in my yesterday blog because she means the world to me and  everything. I am praying for her to get better and everything but i am not going to let it get me down. I just don't know what to do anymore and it's crazy because i thought that i had all the answers to everything and all figured out as well.

I'm just hanging out in my room because i am bored and i am also doing some thinking about things as well. I just wanted to write down what i am feeling because i am lost and i just don't know why if you ask me i am just trying to get my thoughts back on track again if you know what i am talking about. I just don't know what to do and i am scared to tell people how i am feeling but i guess that how i am and i just wish i knew how to do things you know. I just don't know how to handle the stuff that going on through my mind. I just wish some of my friends could understand but they don't.

Actually, I am hopeing that things are going to be alright. I just know in my heart and soul and everything. I just want things to go back to normal but i guess that not going to happen anytime soon. I just don't know what to feel but i can find what i am looking for. I just feel like things are totally changing but i know that i have to work on things again and it's crazy if you ask me and everything.

Well Everybody, I'm going to go for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Roll on by kid rock
Well, My best friend Sam called me today and told me that she had cancer and i was totally shocked on the phone when i heared that and everything. I just don't know what to do with myself and i have lost everything if you know what i am talking about. I just feel like i am going to lose her and i am not sure how i am going to handle that. I already lost my second grandpa to cancer and everything. So i am scared that i am going to lose her as well and i am going to be totally depressed if that happens. I just want her to get better and hoepfully that i can spend time with her  like i have told her and everything and i feel so bad about breaking most of my promises.

I really feel like i am being a bad friend. I just don't know why i am feeling that way but i guess it's all because of my looks and how i act with my friends and it's crazy to think this way i know but that is who i am and i'm a very emotion girl and i just don't want people to think that i am not going through a hard time because i am and that is just what i am feeling at the time i am feeling it and everything. I know that my best friend sam is battleing cancer and i just don't know how to handle it and i am lost if i lose her because she has helpme with alot of shit and everything.

Right now, I wish that i could talk to my other best friend amanda, And tell her what is going on because i am totally don't know who to talk to about this and i just don't want alot of people to know what going on you know what i mean. Do i think that i should have done something about this yes i do but there nothing for me to do now but stand by her stand and be there for her because that all i can do. I love my best friend sam with all my heart and soul and i am never going to forget her i love u.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

True Love
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Roll on by kid rock
Love comes through the eyes
That help me see this wonderful suprise
I see this wonderful man
Whom of which i can always stand
 
Love comes through  the ears
That never hear fears
They help me hear the words from you
And help me pull through
 
Love comes through the hands
That make you my man
you're touch creates chills
Which make me go through many thrills
 
Love comes through the mouth
That will one day make you my spouse
You say the right things at the right time
Which help me keep my state of mind
 
Love comes through dreams
That make us gleam
I dream about life with you in it
And everythign seems lit
 
Love comes through smiles
That extend for miles
You can see all the joy
That comes from my baby boy
 
Love comes through affection
That makes me feel you're protection
I feel safe and secure
And always come bacck for more
 
Love comes through seasons
That give me plenty of reasons
Reasons that i love you
And make us true
 
Love comes through the heart
That makes me want to never part
You're heart is all i need to get by
Without making me cry
 
Love  comes through  me
Which will set you free
I will give you all my love
That was sent as a gift from above
 
Love comes through you
That is always new
you come up with the sweetest things
And i now we can handle whatever love brings
 
love comes through each one of us
That makes us a must
I don't think I'd make it without

What's going on with me
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: roll on by kid rock
wow, I am just hanging out in the office on my dad computer because i am bored out of my mind and i just don't know what to do with my self anymore if you ask me i am crazy bitch right now. I am just thinking about the things that are going on in my life now things are never the right thing but i guess i have to move on with my life and not worried about all the crazy things that are going on. I just wish that i knew what to do most of the time i really just wish that things would never be so hard on me. So right now i am just hoping that things get better for me then i would not have to care so much about what other people say about me because i know who i am and everything and that should matter. I just want things to be alright and not have to be scared all the time if you ask me.

Well, Things are going to be alright i have to have faith in myself and just know that my friends are a big part of my faith in god and everything and i am telling you what i am just a happy go lucky kind of girl i guess but i have my reason for my angry and stuff like that  and everything. I have things on my mind that i should not be thinking about because of all the trouble i have been having i just don't know what to do with my life and it's crazy to think that i am going to move on with my life and everything. So i have so much thinking to do and it's crazy to think that i thought that everything would be alright.

Actually, I have so much more to give and not so much going on if you ask me. I just thought that i had everything all fingured out and everything and i am not going to go through this pain again not in my life time if you ask me i am down with pain and the emotions that come with it. so i am hoping that things are going to be alright in my life time because that how i see things in my life. I just feel like things are never going to be where i want them to be because off all the crazy facts that i find out and i am never ready for anything that goes on if you know what i am talking about. So how am i going to move on when i don't really know what is going on in my life and it's kind of weired if you ask me. I have lost my own way in life and i need to follow god and his way to live in life because i feel that in me.

 I totally hate being annoyed about things and it's making me do things that i never thought i would do about things and it's not like me to be acting like this if you know what i mean. So i just feel so betrayed about a lot of things and i never know what life is going to bring me or break me because that is how i fucking think about things and i never understand my life and how fuck up it is and i can't live this lie anymore because then i would be doing things that i could not handle anymore. I just feel like things are never going to be alright even if i am not thinking about it anymore.

Well Everyone, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now

In Love With You
Mood:  flirty
Now Playing: The last night by skillet
I never really knew you,
You were just a other friend,
But when i got to know you,
I let mixed feelings mend

I couldn't help past memories,
That would only make me cry,
I have to forget my first love,
And give love another try,

So I've fallen in love with you,
And I'll never let you go,
I love you more then anyone,
I just had to let you know,

And if you ever wonder why,
I don't know why I'll say,
But I'll never stop loving you,
Each and everyday

My love for you will never change,
Please know my feelings are true,
Just remember one thing,
I'm in love with you