What's going on with me
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: how do you talk to an angel by the hights
Today, Was totally awesome because i spent more time with my dad helping him fix the jeep today and that was great if you ask me and everything. I totally got dirty and i loved it never once did i think that i would be helping my dad and everything and it was finally what i wanted. I just like hanging out with my dad and now that he going up north this weekend i am going to be alone and spending my time with my mom and that going to be very good i guess. I'm just going to do my hair and make up again and do more pictures and hope they come out again. I just think that things are going to be alright because i have faith and it's not going to lose it. I'm just worried about all the things that happen this year and it's crazy because i have never felt like i have lost things but right now i am happy to say and i am happy and that all that matters.

Tomorrow, I might go out for a walk and get back to losing weight again because that going to really help my back and everything and i need to and i just don't want to hurt myself. Because i want to get heath again and i am just going to do whatever it takes to get me back to losing weight and then i guess i could he more happier if you know what i mean. I just want to look good for the summer and everything and get my stuff going because i am just tired of not doing anything and it's crazy but it's true and i need to get my shit straight and everything. I just wanted to write this all down before i forget and everything. I just really think that i would totally feel better about myself and hopefully the guys would see that.

Well, Right now I'm just watching tv in my room because i really don't know what else to do because that how fucking bored i am and it's not right i know it's fucking stupid. I just wish that it would be totally nice outside that i could get out and do things and not have to fucking make me wonder what is really going on in my life and everything. I just feel like i need to go way from awhile and get my thoughts together because i hate the way i feel and it's hard to make things go right if you know what i am talking about. I just need the support and i am not looking for anything but i am searching for the things that are going on in my past and now. I know that things are crazy and it's not like i tried to find what i am looking for because it's not there and i've ask god to help me doing soul searching and he agreed to help me in his way.

I've been currently thinking about my relationship and it's not enough because last night he never fucking called me and i stay up way to late and i am fucking pissed about it because if you love someone you should call them when you fucking say you are and everything. And he wants to get married to me and have kids with me and i am not going to have this in my life. I put up with the drama and the girls that he was seeing behind my back and i am tried of the games and lies because i am sure you know what i mean and everything. And he took advantage of me and never knew that he was doing that and it's not right if you ask me. I have lost so much in my life and he never fucking seems to know what i am feeling as i am feeling it. So what does a girl do will i guess i am going to have to face what i am scared off and i just can't lose it again. I just need that space to think and he don't understand how i feel and uses it and though it back at me and not fucking cool and i am hateing it so much and everything.

Why do guys think it's alright to break there girlfriends hearts and souls and everything. So they fucking think that it's funny or something like that well i am not laughing at all. I went through this with my ex boyfriend James and it's not going to go that away again. I'm tried of playing the drama games and all the fucking shit it's not right and i've had enough of it. I just want to move on with my life and not have to worry about all the crazy shit that me. I just don't want my friends to think that i am crazy because i have lost it at times and i am never sure enough on what i am feeling because my emotions change a lot. well i am actually thinking it's fucking bull shit and i am not going there again i have totally don't want the drama anymore.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'm going to keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: last name by carrie underwood
Yesterday, Was to fucking awesome and i had a great time. My dad help me practice my parking in the driveway and it was kind of fun just spending time with him and stuff. I can't wait to do this again because it's going ot be even more funnier and everything. I'm just hoping that i am going to have a great weekend coming up because that is all i am looking for if you ask me. I'm just lost with out my friends and i just wish that things would be alright with me. I just wish that things would not be so hard on me and that i just could go on with my life knowing that i have things in oder and everything but that not enough for some people that i know in my life. I just wish that i knew how things are working for me because it's crazy to think about this all the time and just don't know what to do anymore and i am about to lose my mind if i keep thinking about it.

Tomorrow, Is other day that i have to think about all the crazy things that are going on in my mind and i hate feeling so confused about things and everything. I just don't know what is going to happen in my life but i know that i can't keep thinking bad thoughts all the fucking time. I have lost so much in my life and i am tired of feeling like this all the time. I'm never happy about things because i am always in a sad mood and it's not right i just want to be happy and smile all the fucking time if you can understand where i am coming from and everything. I just don't feel like things are going my way anymore and it's not right of me to think about this. I just want to know what it's like to love someone and show them how much i mean to them.

Right now, I'm talking to my best guy friend his name is bobby and we have lost so much and we are finally coming back to each other again and that is just great and i am happy. We are talking on yahoo messenger and we are re talking again because he has missed a lot of stuff that is going on with me and i know that i should catch him up but it's hard to do that if you know what i mean and everything and i hate for people to miss out and everything. I just don't want to lose him again because i would be totally lost and i use to tell him everything and i am going to start again because how do you know if you really love that someone you tell things to. I just don't know what to do and i am thinking about all the different things in life and it's crazy.

Actually, I have to keep my head up high and know that when things get hard you just got to old you're own and hope that you get the answers that you need in life. So i am hoping that things are going to be alright i have faith in myself and i am not going to lose that because it would be totally wrong of me and i am not going through that again i just can't. I just want love and i am going to get that i have to keep my head up that is all i am going to do.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

All Over Again
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: second chance by shine down
Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again,
More deeply in love,
Than ever before.
No one has ever expressed their love for me
With such beautiful and kind words.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again,
With such stronger faith
Than ever before.
Knowing that you will always be there for me
When dark shadows enter my life.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With a stronger friendship
Than ever before
When ever i need a tender shoulder to cry on
I know you will wipe away the tears

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more respect
Than ever before
I look up to you and admire you're strength
In turn you have strengthen me

Last I fell in love with you
All over again
With such care
Than ever before
Now i truly believe how much you care for me
You have given me life.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more happiness
Than ever before
You have brought back to me smiles and laughter
Through you're loving eyes.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more love
Than ever before
For the first time in a long time
I have really felt love.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: I stand alone by godsmack
Today, All i did was relaxing  in my room and watch a little bit of the races today but i hate to say this but kyle bush is getting on my last fucking nerve that i have because i really don't like how he fucking races and everything. I just wish that someone else would have won the race today but it's all good if you ask me. Well i really don't want to go to work tonight but it's alright i have to make some money and i  just need to find out what is going on because my job is my life.

Right now, I just don't know how to feel about my boyfriend who i thought that really loved me and i just don't know what i am going to feel or say about things if you know what i mean. Well when he does call me i am going to sit down on the phone with him and talk to him about the things that we need to talk about because that just how i am feeling in my heart and soul right now if you know what i am talking about and everything. So i feel like there are things that i need to sit down and talk about that i am  feeling and everything.

Actually, I'm just thinking about all thoughts and i just don't know what to feel anymore if you know what i am talking about and everything. So thing are going to be crazy at times but i know that i have to sit and think about that is really going on in my head and stuff like that if you know what i am talking about. Well i am just thinking about things that are going on in my relationships and that is not going to go away anymore if you know what i mean and everything.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to go and end this, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going on with me, So pace out e

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: come down by bush
Well, Yesterday I met up with my mom and dad and a few for my friends from work at the bar yeeha's and it was totally fucking awesome and i hate a blast with my friends and everything. I'm just thinking about all the crazy stuff that happen lastnight but i am happy to say that i am not going to ever forget hanging out with my ex boyfriend sean because now i can finally find out what is going on and work on my friend ship with him and everything. So we did do some talking about things and he told me how much he missed the friendship that we had and everything. I just hope that he knows that things are going to be alright because i am just thinking that things were good.

Right now, I'm just hanging out in my bed room watching a good movie on life time and it's great. I'm thinking about going to bed early tonight because i have a few things i need to do tomorrow i just don't want to be on the phone all night with a boyfriend who don't respect me and everything. I think the relationship that i do have is must based on nothing but sex and that just wrong if you ask me and i am just pissed about that. I am really liking this movie that i am watching because it makes me feel good inside and everything. I know who i am and that is all i can say about things because the more i sit here and think about things the more i just don't give a fuck about and everything.

So, Right now i feel like it's really hot in my room and everything. So right now i am just thinking about all the crazy thoughts in my head and it's not right for me to think about it but i have to get a clear head on things. Wow i really thought that i had a good ideal about things but i really don't if you ask me i am a crazy person to go back in my past and find what i am really looking for in my life and everything. I finally don't have a reason about things because the more i think about it the less i can understand things if you know what i mean. I just want things to be back to normal but i really don't think that going to happen any time soon if you know what i mean.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Second chance by shine down
I went to the doctor today and everything is alright and my blood pressure was  high so we took me off one of my pills and hopefully we can get that under control and everything if you know what i am talking about. They only took blood from me today and that was great if you ask me and everything. But i am feeling really good and i am going to clean the house more and stuff like that because i am going nuts. I don't feel like going to work today but i am hopefully that i get off early tonight.

Well, Right now I'm just hanging out in my room thinking about doing more cleaning and shit because my room looks like a fucking mess if you ask me. And i am the only one that needs to clean it if you know what i mean. I really wish that i had a fucking maid to clean my room that would be totally fucking awesome if  you ask me and everything. I am lost with out everything going on. But i am going to be alright if you ask me i am crazy to think that things wont work for me but i guess i am looking in the wrong places i guess i don't know.

So, Last night was totally awesome because i got to talk to one of my ex boyfriends and we are working on things because that how i like it. He even brought me lunch and bring it up to me and how fucking sweet is that i told him thank you and everything and hopefully this weekend we can meet up and talk about things because that would be totally worth it and everything. I really hate when someone is mad at you and you just don't know what is all going on and like i said before we were great friends and very close at that.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Second chance by shine down
Well, Today has been a totally nice day outside and i can't wait to get out and go for walks and stuff like that if you know what i am talking about. I am just thinking that things are going to look up for me i have total faith in everything that goes on in this world i just believe in god and the things that he does and work for. I'm just thinking about how god really works but he answered some of my prayers for my friends and family and everything if you ask me i am good about praying.

Tomorrow, It is going to fucking suck if you ask me. I really don't want to go to the doctors but i have to and everything. It's just because i am diabetic and they have to check my blood sugar and everything and that alright by me. I just don't like the other things i have to do but that alright i'm going to get use to that if you know what i am talking about and everything. I just hate going in there when they fucking dick you around and tell you one thing and do the other thing if you know what i mean and everything. I'm just trying to get over that you know.

I really miss my best friends Amanda peck, Sam, Amanda Dewitt. They have been there for me through a lot of my problems with my boyfriends and i just wanted to say thank you and hopefully they won't judge me because of the problems that i do have and everything. I just want them to know that i am thinking about them and they are in my heart and soul and we are all going to be best friends trust me and i am going to hang out with  Amanda Dewitt soon because i miss her like crazy and i talk to her like every night if i can.

Actually, I'm just hoping that i can go to bed at a good hour tonight because i have to be up early in the morning and i just don't want to be late for  the doctors if you know what i am talking about and everything. I really hate that but anyway what can you do when you are running late and you just don't know what you are going to do that how my life is if you ask me it's crazy but i know the feeling. I'm going to forget all the bad things and just look upon things and just hope that things are going to be for me that how i see things in life and everything.

Right now, I just don't want to lose what i am feeling and thinking about my relationship that i am in now and everything. I just want things back to the way i knew they could be and it's hard to keep thinking this way but i don't  get respected like i should and he calls me all hours of the night and it's crazy to think that i am going to lose my own mind as this point in time. I love him to death but i need my space and my time and that is  all i am going to say.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: come down by bush
Right now, I'm just hanging out in my room because i am bored out of my mind but i have some things i need to get done before i can go to bed and everything. I just don't know what going on in my life and everything. I just want things to be alright but i am not that sure anymore if you ask me. I have lost so much in my life and it's crazy to think that things never never seem to be alright anymore. Because i am always worrying about my friends and family and i am never going to have just time to myself to just fuck off and stuff like that if you ask me.

Well, Today has been a great day because i am finally done with my laundry and i am so fucking happy about that if you ask me. I have shit loads of dishes to do and it's not right but my dad told me that he was going to help me but that alright i am going to do them before i got to bed again like i did last night. I am tired and i just want to lay in my bed and go to bed at a good hour but i know that i am not going to have that chance right now if you ask me and everything.  I just don't want to think about what is really going on in my fuck up head.

Actually, I'm thinking about taking a nice hot shower and i am going to bed early tonight because i have to be up in the morning to go to work and do somethings on the computer because they ask me to and everything. I'm just hoping that i don't have to stand on my feet anymore that fucking hurts if you ask me. But i am just thinking about all the crazy thoughts that i have going on in my head but it's alright because i am not worried about it right now and everything.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.     

What's going on with me
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: come down by bush
Wow, I can't believe that i am still up and not even tried that should be something if you ask me and everything. I'm just hanging out and i thought i would come and updated my blogs and stuff because that gives me less to do tomorrow i guess you could say and everything and i am trying to be happy for once in my life. So I feel a lot better because i know that my best friend is going to be alright. I just have to have faith and i know that she is going to make it through anything i promise that. Every since she told me on the phone i have been scared to talk about it with all my other friend and i just don't know how to deal with it like i should and everything.

Well, Right now bed is looking good right now because i am trying to stay awake as long as i can but i am sure that is not going to work in my faver if you ask me. So i am just doing my normal thinking and i just wish that i could feel things but i know it's hard when you are trying to block things out of you're mind and everything. I'm really trying to block all the things that happen in my past out of my head so they won't haunt me anymore because that is how i feel about that and everything. I really miss one of my ex boyfriends because he was a very sweet heart and we use to be really good friends and everything and i am not sure if we are going to get that back working on it.

I just don't want to lose what i have in my life because that the thing i am so scared about losing what i have like my friends and family and everything. I have to go on with my life knowing that things are going to be alright in my life. I just feel lost in this big ass world and its crazy but that the true. I've never knew that i could have all this problems in my life and think that i could figured them all out but that not lie it's really hard if you ask me and everything. I am losing so much but i think because i want to have new start in life and that is what i am doing as i speak.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to go for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

what's going on with me
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Lithium by evanescence

Well, My dad is home and now my paces  and quit is now done and i not happy about it and everything. I am just thinking about my two best friends and how they are doing and everything. I just want to go and spend time with them because i feel they really need me and i am not going to lose the one that i talk about in my yesterday blog because she means the world to me and  everything. I am praying for her to get better and everything but i am not going to let it get me down. I just don't know what to do anymore and it's crazy because i thought that i had all the answers to everything and all figured out as well.

I'm just hanging out in my room because i am bored and i am also doing some thinking about things as well. I just wanted to write down what i am feeling because i am lost and i just don't know why if you ask me i am just trying to get my thoughts back on track again if you know what i am talking about. I just don't know what to do and i am scared to tell people how i am feeling but i guess that how i am and i just wish i knew how to do things you know. I just don't know how to handle the stuff that going on through my mind. I just wish some of my friends could understand but they don't.

Actually, I am hopeing that things are going to be alright. I just know in my heart and soul and everything. I just want things to go back to normal but i guess that not going to happen anytime soon. I just don't know what to feel but i can find what i am looking for. I just feel like things are totally changing but i know that i have to work on things again and it's crazy if you ask me and everything.

Well Everybody, I'm going to go for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.